Flattery Will Get You No Where

Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet. -Proverbs 29:5

We all like receiving a compliment, don't we? A word of encouragement is just that. It encourages us. But flattery as defined by Webster's is "an insincere compliment, excessive or unjustified praise." Put another way, flattery's not truthful, and in the end, it isn't kind.

So let's beware of people who lavish flattery and praise. An old folk saying is "Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog."

Pastor Chuck Smith comments that "flattery is often used to soften us up and then trip us up." If we listen to enough flattery, we might begin to believe it, causing us to think too much of ourselves.

But on the other hand, many people never hear a word of praise, not ever. So if you're a Sunday school teacher, try to find one uplifting thing to say to each child before they leave class. If you're a mom, don't just point out your kids' mistakes, catch them being good. Praise them. And wives, when your husband comes home, bless him with a kind, encouraging word. It might be the only one he's heard all day.

Live It Out!

Flattery not only puffs people up, it sets them up. Parents and grandparents often praise a child's accomplishments. We cheer the winning team or the good grades. Everyone loves a winner. But when your child strikes out or struggles with math, they may interpret your lack of praise as a statement of failure. Achievements come and go. Praise your kids when they do their best, regardless of results. Teach them to be kind to their teammate who dropped the ball; it's only a game. Show them you're their best fan - not because of what they do, but because of who they are.

-The One Year Wisdom for Women Devotional; by Debbi Bryson; December 5; p. 356

I like the wisdom I've heard regarding praise - to praise specific things that others do or about their character. For example, instead of telling your child she is the best player on the team, praise her for her specific skills or for how she encourages her teammates. Where there is struggle, remind your child of how he has improved. Praise his perseverance. Tell your child you love what the Lord is doing in her life, showing her that God is the giver of all her gifts and talents and He is helping her to grow and develop them for His glory, not hers (or ours). I do want my kids to know I'm their biggest fan, but not with flattery that simply pumps up their ego and creates a prideful spirit in them. I want them to know I love them for who they are becoming and that I'll always be there to come alongside them when they need help.