Thoughts on Marriage at Year 25
This year my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I shared some things I had learned about marriage at year Seventeen, Twenty, and Twenty-two. Here are twelve more things I would add to the list.
When your spouse sins against you, remember that you too are a sinner and have sinned. There is no such thing as a little sin. Sin is sin and God views it the same. Just as God has forgiven us, so we should in turn forgive others. The parable of the servant who was forgiven his great debt, but then turned on the servant who owed him a smaller debt is a reminder of this truth (Matthew 18:23-35).
Thinking of others as more important than ourselves. Marriage isn't about me and having my needs met. Marriage gives us an opportunity to honor God by serving our spouse. Don't begrudge meeting your spouse's needs. In serving your spouse, you are serving God.
Unmet expectations. Often we focus on how our needs aren't being met in the way we desire. But if we stop and think, we will often find that our spouse is meeting our needs just not maybe in the way we hope. Instead of having a pity-party and nagging your spouse, be thankful for the things they do do for you. And life isn't always going to go the way you planned. When your storybook life doesn't come to pass, consciously look for the good in your circumstances and be grateful.
Give up worldly, material things. Having stuff will not satisfy. Once you have what you want, something else will come along that you want more. Nothing that we have will go with us when we leave this earth. It will be left behind for someone else to either take care of discard. Don't put a financial burden on your spouse because you want more. Learn to be content in whatever situation you find yourself in and once again, be grateful!
Build your spouse up, don't tear them down. We all need to hear words of praise and affirmation, to know that someone is "for us", that we have someone in our corner to cheer us on. We should look forward to being in the presence of our spouses, not dreading being with them because we know they'll be nagging us the whole time we're together.
Random acts of kindness. Do something special or out of the ordinary once in a while. It's good to keep things fresh!
Make time to be together. Be a sounding board for one another. Keep up with one another's schedules. Talk, dream, laugh, enjoy things together.
Grow in the Lord together and individually. Marriage helps us grow in the Lord just as growing in the Lord will help our marriages. The book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas is a great read on this topic.
Trials are inevitable. Support one another. Pray together.
Compromise. Don't always demand your own way.
Respect your in-laws. They are your spouses parents and parent figures for you as well. Honor them with your words, attitudes and deeds. Be an example of Christ to them. Do not speak ill of them to others and especially not in front of your children. But also remember we are to "leave and cleave." While we need to honor both sets of parents, they should not come before our own family unit.
If you have children, parent together. Be in agreement on discipline. Talk with one another about your kids strengths and weaknesses so you both know your children well. Discuss and agree on your kids' educational goals and schooling, the type and number of activities they will be involved in, and how you will handle money with them.
Marriage isn't always easy. But the effort is worth it. I'm married to my best friend. I'm grateful for every day that we have together no matter what our circumstances.
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Unmet expectations. Often we focus on how our needs aren't being met in the way we desire. But if we stop and think, we will often find that our spouse is meeting our needs just not maybe in the way we hope. Instead of having a pity-party and nagging your spouse, be thankful for the things they do do for you. And life isn't always going to go the way you planned. When your storybook life doesn't come to pass, consciously look for the good in your circumstances and be grateful.
Build your spouse up, don't tear them down. We all need to hear words of praise and affirmation, to know that someone is "for us", that we have someone in our corner to cheer us on. We should look forward to being in the presence of our spouses, not dreading being with them because we know they'll be nagging us the whole time we're together.
Random acts of kindness. Do something special or out of the ordinary once in a while. It's good to keep things fresh!
Make time to be together. Be a sounding board for one another. Keep up with one another's schedules. Talk, dream, laugh, enjoy things together.
Grow in the Lord together and individually. Marriage helps us grow in the Lord just as growing in the Lord will help our marriages. The book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas is a great read on this topic.
Trials are inevitable. Support one another. Pray together.
Compromise. Don't always demand your own way.
Respect your in-laws. They are your spouses parents and parent figures for you as well. Honor them with your words, attitudes and deeds. Be an example of Christ to them. Do not speak ill of them to others and especially not in front of your children. But also remember we are to "leave and cleave." While we need to honor both sets of parents, they should not come before our own family unit.
If you have children, parent together. Be in agreement on discipline. Talk with one another about your kids strengths and weaknesses so you both know your children well. Discuss and agree on your kids' educational goals and schooling, the type and number of activities they will be involved in, and how you will handle money with them.
Marriage isn't always easy. But the effort is worth it. I'm married to my best friend. I'm grateful for every day that we have together no matter what our circumstances.
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