Stewardship of our Children Part 2
Shaping our children’s hearts to live for God is called discipleship. The Clarksons write that “discipleship of your children is your first priority as a Christian parent - to shape their hearts to live for God.” The first step they give to accomplishing this task is to be sure your heart is turned toward your children. “If the parents’ hearts are not turned toward the child, that child’s heart will turn elsewhere.” Our attitude toward our children is very important; we need to see them “as God wants (us) to see them - as future servants and leaders for Him in the next generation.” H. Clay Trumball the author of Hints on Child Training (1890) wrote “It is, therefore, largely a child’s training that settles the question (of what kind of person he will become). . . In all these things his course indicates what his training has been; or it suggests that training that he needed, but missed.”
The Clarksons give five “heartbeats” of discipleship. The first one has to do with obedience. Colossians 3:20 says that children are to obey their parents in all things in order to please the Lord. Warren Wiersbe writes in his Bible commentary that “the child who does not learn to obey his parents is not likely to grow up obeying any authority.” If we want our children to grow in maturity, then we need to first teach them to obey from the heart. Obedience is an important way to show our love for God.
In order to teach obedience, we need to use discipline (Heartbeat #2). I like the way Clay and Sally Clarkson define this: “Biblical discipline is a relational process of spiritual training that cultivates godliness.” We do this by correcting wrong behavior and directing our children to choose good behavior. We should do this in love, using the Word of God as our guide and with the goal of changing our children’s hearts. Our primary goal for discipline should be to help our children be able to say “no” to poor behavior and to choose correct behavior. This is “training your child to obey from his heart, not just with his mind or body.” Attitude is an important component in this part of training. “If a bad attitude is not addressed, you are allowing your child to slowly harden his or her heart to your authority and discipline.”
In dealing with these two parts of training: obedience and discipline, it is important that both be done with love (Heartbeat #3). If we desire to be an example of Jesus to our children, then we need to be sure our words and actions are characterized by love. We can show love through sympathy, encouragement and affection. In Educating the WholeHearted Child, being sympathetic toward your child is defined as showing a “willingness to understand and validate your children’s thoughts and feelings.” You know your child’s heart. You take the time to talk with them, ask questions and respond to theirs. The Clarksons add that “having a heart of sympathy for your children will mean, by necessity, choosing a less busy lifestyle. It will mean lowering your expectations about what can and must be accomplished in a day.” A trade-off well worth the end results!
Another way to show love is through encouragement. The greatest encouragement, according to Warren Wiersbe, is for parents to spend time with their children. It will mean a lot to our children if they see us make time to be with them and if we listen patiently as they talk with us. Encouragement focuses on the future. We need to give our children hope. The Clarksons write, “life is just beginning to stretch out before them with all of its possibilities, mysteries and struggles, and they are looking for confidence - to know there really is a God, that their journey through life has purpose and meaning, and that there is an eternal home after death.” Wiersbe adds that “discouraged children are fair prey for Satan and the world. When a child does not get ‘ego-strength’ at home, he will seek it elsewhere.” Alex McFarland in his article “The Source of Self-Worth” in the May/June issue of “Thriving Families” by Focus on the Family says our children’s self-worth “should be grounded on . . . the following realities: they are made in God’s image; Jesus personally cares about them; they’re worthy of unconditional love in (our) home; they can find a haven of acceptance among other believers; and that God has a plan for their life. Parents need to help develop their children’s personalities, gifts and skills; and to know that we see the potential that lies within them.
The third component to obedience and discipline found in the Clarkson’s book is affection. This is a “non-verbal way of assuring (your children) that you accept them just as they are, that they are special to you, and that there is a spiritual bond and unity in your family that is private and powerful.”
The fourth heartbeat is that of protection. We must be the centurions over our children’s lives who teach them discernment and guard them against unwise relationships and ungodly secular media. It is important for our children to have “edifying relationships with other well-trained, ‘good and godly’ children from trustworthy Christian families.” Clay and Sally add that we should be aware of four dangerous relationships. Beware of those who are foolish. Proverbs 13:20 reads that “he who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. They suggest that we should not let our children “become emotionally or spiritually yoked to an unbelieving child.” (2 Corinthians 6:14) As it is not easy to erase the effects of immoral language, attitudes or behavior, we should avoid spending time with those who participate in them. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says that “bad company corrupts good character.” And finally, we need to avoid putting our children under the authority of false teachers.
Television, movies, music, books, magazines and the computer must be monitored carefully. Philippians 4:8 says we are to focus our minds on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, and praiseworthy. Anything that doesn’t meet these criteria doesn’t belong in front of our children. It is also important to teach our children to have discernment over these things as well. They will not always be under our watchful eye and need to be able to speak up if something does not fall in line with what is allowed in our home or what they know to be right.
The final heartbeat of discipline according to the Clarksons is direction. “If you want to ‘train a child in the way he should go,’ you must first know the way he should go!” As parents, we are to have a “clear vision for where (we) want to lead (our) children.” To direct our children into godliness and righteousness we will work at shaping their actions and attitudes into godly character and habits. We must instruct them in Biblical truth to help them grow in “understanding, wisdom, discernment and faith.” And most importantly, we must be a living example of our training and instruction.
To do all this requires intent; it is not accidental and cannot be passive. Warren Wiersbe summed this all up in his Bible commentary by writing, “If a home is truly Christian, it is a place of encouragement. In such a home, the child finds refuge from battles, and yet strength to fight the battles and carry the burdens of growing maturity. He finds a loving heart, a watchful eye, a listening ear, and a helping hand. He does not want any other place - home meets his needs. In this kind of a home, it is natural for the child to trust Christ and want to live for Him.” And isn’t that our ultimate goal as Christian parents? May we continue to be diligent in the discipleship our children.
The Clarksons give five “heartbeats” of discipleship. The first one has to do with obedience. Colossians 3:20 says that children are to obey their parents in all things in order to please the Lord. Warren Wiersbe writes in his Bible commentary that “the child who does not learn to obey his parents is not likely to grow up obeying any authority.” If we want our children to grow in maturity, then we need to first teach them to obey from the heart. Obedience is an important way to show our love for God.
In order to teach obedience, we need to use discipline (Heartbeat #2). I like the way Clay and Sally Clarkson define this: “Biblical discipline is a relational process of spiritual training that cultivates godliness.” We do this by correcting wrong behavior and directing our children to choose good behavior. We should do this in love, using the Word of God as our guide and with the goal of changing our children’s hearts. Our primary goal for discipline should be to help our children be able to say “no” to poor behavior and to choose correct behavior. This is “training your child to obey from his heart, not just with his mind or body.” Attitude is an important component in this part of training. “If a bad attitude is not addressed, you are allowing your child to slowly harden his or her heart to your authority and discipline.”
In dealing with these two parts of training: obedience and discipline, it is important that both be done with love (Heartbeat #3). If we desire to be an example of Jesus to our children, then we need to be sure our words and actions are characterized by love. We can show love through sympathy, encouragement and affection. In Educating the WholeHearted Child, being sympathetic toward your child is defined as showing a “willingness to understand and validate your children’s thoughts and feelings.” You know your child’s heart. You take the time to talk with them, ask questions and respond to theirs. The Clarksons add that “having a heart of sympathy for your children will mean, by necessity, choosing a less busy lifestyle. It will mean lowering your expectations about what can and must be accomplished in a day.” A trade-off well worth the end results!
Another way to show love is through encouragement. The greatest encouragement, according to Warren Wiersbe, is for parents to spend time with their children. It will mean a lot to our children if they see us make time to be with them and if we listen patiently as they talk with us. Encouragement focuses on the future. We need to give our children hope. The Clarksons write, “life is just beginning to stretch out before them with all of its possibilities, mysteries and struggles, and they are looking for confidence - to know there really is a God, that their journey through life has purpose and meaning, and that there is an eternal home after death.” Wiersbe adds that “discouraged children are fair prey for Satan and the world. When a child does not get ‘ego-strength’ at home, he will seek it elsewhere.” Alex McFarland in his article “The Source of Self-Worth” in the May/June issue of “Thriving Families” by Focus on the Family says our children’s self-worth “should be grounded on . . . the following realities: they are made in God’s image; Jesus personally cares about them; they’re worthy of unconditional love in (our) home; they can find a haven of acceptance among other believers; and that God has a plan for their life. Parents need to help develop their children’s personalities, gifts and skills; and to know that we see the potential that lies within them.
The third component to obedience and discipline found in the Clarkson’s book is affection. This is a “non-verbal way of assuring (your children) that you accept them just as they are, that they are special to you, and that there is a spiritual bond and unity in your family that is private and powerful.”
The fourth heartbeat is that of protection. We must be the centurions over our children’s lives who teach them discernment and guard them against unwise relationships and ungodly secular media. It is important for our children to have “edifying relationships with other well-trained, ‘good and godly’ children from trustworthy Christian families.” Clay and Sally add that we should be aware of four dangerous relationships. Beware of those who are foolish. Proverbs 13:20 reads that “he who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. They suggest that we should not let our children “become emotionally or spiritually yoked to an unbelieving child.” (2 Corinthians 6:14) As it is not easy to erase the effects of immoral language, attitudes or behavior, we should avoid spending time with those who participate in them. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says that “bad company corrupts good character.” And finally, we need to avoid putting our children under the authority of false teachers.
Television, movies, music, books, magazines and the computer must be monitored carefully. Philippians 4:8 says we are to focus our minds on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, and praiseworthy. Anything that doesn’t meet these criteria doesn’t belong in front of our children. It is also important to teach our children to have discernment over these things as well. They will not always be under our watchful eye and need to be able to speak up if something does not fall in line with what is allowed in our home or what they know to be right.
The final heartbeat of discipline according to the Clarksons is direction. “If you want to ‘train a child in the way he should go,’ you must first know the way he should go!” As parents, we are to have a “clear vision for where (we) want to lead (our) children.” To direct our children into godliness and righteousness we will work at shaping their actions and attitudes into godly character and habits. We must instruct them in Biblical truth to help them grow in “understanding, wisdom, discernment and faith.” And most importantly, we must be a living example of our training and instruction.
To do all this requires intent; it is not accidental and cannot be passive. Warren Wiersbe summed this all up in his Bible commentary by writing, “If a home is truly Christian, it is a place of encouragement. In such a home, the child finds refuge from battles, and yet strength to fight the battles and carry the burdens of growing maturity. He finds a loving heart, a watchful eye, a listening ear, and a helping hand. He does not want any other place - home meets his needs. In this kind of a home, it is natural for the child to trust Christ and want to live for Him.” And isn’t that our ultimate goal as Christian parents? May we continue to be diligent in the discipleship our children.
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