Finding Joy Again
April 29, 2011
As I wrote before, Dennis had surgery on Thursday, April 7. The surgery itself went well. Dr. Stamos, our surgeon, said afterward that there was no visible signs of cancer. Dennis did end up with the ostomy as a precaution. He had a rough time after surgery with pain, but by Saturday was able to get up and around. He came home on Tuesday, April 12. Following his homecoming we received a call from Dr. Stamos that the biopsy revealed no cancer. The radiation and chemotherapy had done their job. This was very good news. The several days following surgery he was experiencing enough pain to require the prescription pain medication that had been prescribed. He spent most of his time upstairs, but was able to navigate up and down the stairs to eat meals with us and get drink refills. A home health care nurse has been provided to come twice a week to help Dennis change the ostomy bag. He was disappointed to have had to have the ostomy, but we trusted that it was for the best. While not pleasant, Dennis was dealing with it as best he could.
Last Monday, April 18, the nurse noticed Dennis’ skin was beginning to redden a bit. As the week went on Dennis began to experience pain around the ostomy site. By Thursday night it was really bothering him and he changed the bag on his own to discover the skin was even redder. The kids and I came home from Good Friday service the next day to find Dennis with the nurse and in agony. While that may sound like an exaggeration, it is not. Dennis said later it was the worst pain he had ever felt in his life. We quickly gathered things up and head to UCI. We first went to the ER but were than able to take him over to the clinic to see an ostomy nurse. Basically, due to the placement and shape of the stoma, Dennis losing weight, changes in his tissue, and the type of bag being used leakage was occurring that caused the skin condition. The ostomy nurse was able to treat his skin with medicated powder and topical anesthetic. She also found a different bag, made some other improvements and gave us some suggestions. She said it would likely take two weeks for the skin to heal. While he was more comfortable, Dennis was still feeling enough pain to keep him in bed over the weekend and into this week. Any movement irritated the site and it was just easier to stay in a reclined position. Mentally, this was all beginning to take a toll on both of us.
This Wednesday, the 27th, Dennis had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Stamos. Because the doctor had been gone for two weeks, he had scheduled all of his critical patients to be seen on this day. To say he was overbooked is an understatement. We were there for 4 ½ hours! When Dennis was finally able to be seen, Dr. Stamos found that he is healing well. He said that since Dennis was having problems with the ostomy we could plan for surgery sooner rather than later. Since this doctor’s schedule is so busy these days, he is going to have Dr. Pigazzi, the surgeon who did the robotic part of the first surgery, do the reversal. We will meet with him next Wednesday, May 4. Surgery will hopefully be the following week (2nd week of May). We should find out the exact date next week. Dennis also saw the ostomy nurse again. She examined the site and found that it was beginning to heal. Yesterday he was finally feeling more comfortable. He even drove himself to the lab for a test and then to Home Depot. Early this morning, however, Dennis woke up with pain again - the bag is coming loose and causing some leakage. Our nurse had a critical patient last night and over-slept. She is on her way, so will be able to get him back together. Another bump in the road!
If you read my blog post on Friday, you know that I was experiencing a lot of emotions in regards to Dennis. At the Good Friday service, our pastor of course spoke about Christ’s suffering on the cross and how Christ willingly chose to experience it in order that we could have salvation from our sins. I did not expect to come home and have such a personal experience with extreme suffering. Dennis commented later that it was interesting he had experienced such pain on Good Friday. I couldn’t help but think of all the Scriptures I’ve been reading these past 8 months about sharing in Christ’s suffering. I admit that I was not counting it joy, I was angry at the whole situation; angry that my husband was having to endure all of this.
And on Easter Sunday our pastor chose to focus on the women who came to the tomb to find Jesus was gone. He talked about how they had witnessed Christ’s suffering on the cross and were the ones to first discover He had risen. And how Mary was the first to see him. How I identified with those women and their experience in witnessing Christ’s pain. And like the women at the tomb, I have begun to experienced more relief and peace as Dennis has begun to heal and feel more comfortable. However, the enemy has been at work here the past 10 days.
I just read a quote from Beth Moore that read, “If the enemy cannot take away our victory - he will then try to take away our joy IN the victory. He won’t let us celebrate it.” This is exactly how I have been feeling. We have victory over cancer, but it has been hard for me to experience true joy in that victory when Dennis is in such discomfort and I know that we are not finished yet. There is another surgery and more chemo after that. I feel like we have been fighting a mental battle, having to force ourselves to focus on truth instead of lies. I am grateful that we have grown in our faith enough to recognize these things and to work ourselves out of the enemy’s trap, but we are definitely battle-weary and in need of some respite. Gratefully, that seems to be on its way.
I had lots of time to read on Wednesday! I took along my Beth Moore book, “To Live is Christ”, about the life of Paul. Paul of course experienced a great deal of suffering in his ministry for the Gospel. As I was reading about Paul’s visits to “Iconnium (where he departed prior to suffering)” and to “Lystra (where he departed after suffering)”, Beth Moore explained the definition of the original word for “rescue”. It didn’t mean to just deliver, it meant “drawing to oneself”. She writes, “You see, God wasn’t only interested in drawing Paul out of difficulty or danger. He wanted to draw Paul closer to Himself. Every time God delivers us, the point is ultimately to draw us closer to Himself. Whether we get to avoid pain and suffering or we must persevere in the midst of it, our deliverance comes when we’re dragged from the enemy of our souls to the heart of God.” As believers, this is what Dennis and I desire more than anything - to be in close proximity to “the heart of God.”
In another chapter, Beth Moore spoke about Hebrews 10:32-33, “Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated.” She then went on to talk about Paul and Silas being flogged for their Jewish heritage. While Paul experienced the flogging himself, he also stood alongside Silas as he received the same beating. And of course Timothy and Luke were bystanders as well. Beth Moore writes, “Scripture (acknowledges) the authentic pain a person experiences when a friend or loved one suffers. God is very aware that standing close to someone who is hurting hurts! He does it every day. Whether we are the ones suffering or we’re alongside another, His grace is sufficient for our need.” I have felt guilty at times for feeling so weary when I am not the one going through all of this. I guess I needed this reminder that it’s okay to hurt for the one who is hurting. God surely felt pain when His Son was suffering on the cross. Seeing the person you love most in the world suffering is nothing less than horrible. While I have struggled these past several days, I am finding that God’s grace is sufficient. He is meeting our needs.
We continue to covet your prayers. Would you join us in praying for the following:
*for continued healing of the skin around the ostomy site
*for a close surgery date
*for strength of mind, body and spirit
*for the enemy to be bound from our home and God’s spirit to flood us with His peace
Thank you!
Finding Joy Again,
Carolyn
As I wrote before, Dennis had surgery on Thursday, April 7. The surgery itself went well. Dr. Stamos, our surgeon, said afterward that there was no visible signs of cancer. Dennis did end up with the ostomy as a precaution. He had a rough time after surgery with pain, but by Saturday was able to get up and around. He came home on Tuesday, April 12. Following his homecoming we received a call from Dr. Stamos that the biopsy revealed no cancer. The radiation and chemotherapy had done their job. This was very good news. The several days following surgery he was experiencing enough pain to require the prescription pain medication that had been prescribed. He spent most of his time upstairs, but was able to navigate up and down the stairs to eat meals with us and get drink refills. A home health care nurse has been provided to come twice a week to help Dennis change the ostomy bag. He was disappointed to have had to have the ostomy, but we trusted that it was for the best. While not pleasant, Dennis was dealing with it as best he could.
Last Monday, April 18, the nurse noticed Dennis’ skin was beginning to redden a bit. As the week went on Dennis began to experience pain around the ostomy site. By Thursday night it was really bothering him and he changed the bag on his own to discover the skin was even redder. The kids and I came home from Good Friday service the next day to find Dennis with the nurse and in agony. While that may sound like an exaggeration, it is not. Dennis said later it was the worst pain he had ever felt in his life. We quickly gathered things up and head to UCI. We first went to the ER but were than able to take him over to the clinic to see an ostomy nurse. Basically, due to the placement and shape of the stoma, Dennis losing weight, changes in his tissue, and the type of bag being used leakage was occurring that caused the skin condition. The ostomy nurse was able to treat his skin with medicated powder and topical anesthetic. She also found a different bag, made some other improvements and gave us some suggestions. She said it would likely take two weeks for the skin to heal. While he was more comfortable, Dennis was still feeling enough pain to keep him in bed over the weekend and into this week. Any movement irritated the site and it was just easier to stay in a reclined position. Mentally, this was all beginning to take a toll on both of us.
This Wednesday, the 27th, Dennis had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Stamos. Because the doctor had been gone for two weeks, he had scheduled all of his critical patients to be seen on this day. To say he was overbooked is an understatement. We were there for 4 ½ hours! When Dennis was finally able to be seen, Dr. Stamos found that he is healing well. He said that since Dennis was having problems with the ostomy we could plan for surgery sooner rather than later. Since this doctor’s schedule is so busy these days, he is going to have Dr. Pigazzi, the surgeon who did the robotic part of the first surgery, do the reversal. We will meet with him next Wednesday, May 4. Surgery will hopefully be the following week (2nd week of May). We should find out the exact date next week. Dennis also saw the ostomy nurse again. She examined the site and found that it was beginning to heal. Yesterday he was finally feeling more comfortable. He even drove himself to the lab for a test and then to Home Depot. Early this morning, however, Dennis woke up with pain again - the bag is coming loose and causing some leakage. Our nurse had a critical patient last night and over-slept. She is on her way, so will be able to get him back together. Another bump in the road!
If you read my blog post on Friday, you know that I was experiencing a lot of emotions in regards to Dennis. At the Good Friday service, our pastor of course spoke about Christ’s suffering on the cross and how Christ willingly chose to experience it in order that we could have salvation from our sins. I did not expect to come home and have such a personal experience with extreme suffering. Dennis commented later that it was interesting he had experienced such pain on Good Friday. I couldn’t help but think of all the Scriptures I’ve been reading these past 8 months about sharing in Christ’s suffering. I admit that I was not counting it joy, I was angry at the whole situation; angry that my husband was having to endure all of this.
And on Easter Sunday our pastor chose to focus on the women who came to the tomb to find Jesus was gone. He talked about how they had witnessed Christ’s suffering on the cross and were the ones to first discover He had risen. And how Mary was the first to see him. How I identified with those women and their experience in witnessing Christ’s pain. And like the women at the tomb, I have begun to experienced more relief and peace as Dennis has begun to heal and feel more comfortable. However, the enemy has been at work here the past 10 days.
I just read a quote from Beth Moore that read, “If the enemy cannot take away our victory - he will then try to take away our joy IN the victory. He won’t let us celebrate it.” This is exactly how I have been feeling. We have victory over cancer, but it has been hard for me to experience true joy in that victory when Dennis is in such discomfort and I know that we are not finished yet. There is another surgery and more chemo after that. I feel like we have been fighting a mental battle, having to force ourselves to focus on truth instead of lies. I am grateful that we have grown in our faith enough to recognize these things and to work ourselves out of the enemy’s trap, but we are definitely battle-weary and in need of some respite. Gratefully, that seems to be on its way.
I had lots of time to read on Wednesday! I took along my Beth Moore book, “To Live is Christ”, about the life of Paul. Paul of course experienced a great deal of suffering in his ministry for the Gospel. As I was reading about Paul’s visits to “Iconnium (where he departed prior to suffering)” and to “Lystra (where he departed after suffering)”, Beth Moore explained the definition of the original word for “rescue”. It didn’t mean to just deliver, it meant “drawing to oneself”. She writes, “You see, God wasn’t only interested in drawing Paul out of difficulty or danger. He wanted to draw Paul closer to Himself. Every time God delivers us, the point is ultimately to draw us closer to Himself. Whether we get to avoid pain and suffering or we must persevere in the midst of it, our deliverance comes when we’re dragged from the enemy of our souls to the heart of God.” As believers, this is what Dennis and I desire more than anything - to be in close proximity to “the heart of God.”
In another chapter, Beth Moore spoke about Hebrews 10:32-33, “Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated.” She then went on to talk about Paul and Silas being flogged for their Jewish heritage. While Paul experienced the flogging himself, he also stood alongside Silas as he received the same beating. And of course Timothy and Luke were bystanders as well. Beth Moore writes, “Scripture (acknowledges) the authentic pain a person experiences when a friend or loved one suffers. God is very aware that standing close to someone who is hurting hurts! He does it every day. Whether we are the ones suffering or we’re alongside another, His grace is sufficient for our need.” I have felt guilty at times for feeling so weary when I am not the one going through all of this. I guess I needed this reminder that it’s okay to hurt for the one who is hurting. God surely felt pain when His Son was suffering on the cross. Seeing the person you love most in the world suffering is nothing less than horrible. While I have struggled these past several days, I am finding that God’s grace is sufficient. He is meeting our needs.
We continue to covet your prayers. Would you join us in praying for the following:
*for continued healing of the skin around the ostomy site
*for a close surgery date
*for strength of mind, body and spirit
*for the enemy to be bound from our home and God’s spirit to flood us with His peace
Thank you!
Finding Joy Again,
Carolyn
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