Experiencing God's Portion
April 7, 2011
Here’s a run down of how our day went. We arrived at the hospital at 5:40 a.m. Dennis was taken back for pre-op at about 6 a.m. I was allowed to go in with him around 6:30 a.m. He was given an epidural and taken to surgery at 7:45 a.m. I was very emotional I must admit.
My sister-in-law, Carol joined me around 9 a.m. After about 4 hours, I was paged and they let me know that surgery was still going on, but everything was going well. At 1:45 - 6 hours after they took him in to surgery, I was paged to meet with the surgeon. Dr. Stamos said the surgery went well. They removed the affected area and opened it up. There was scarring from the radiation, but no visible signs of cancer. Biopsies will be done to determine if any microscopic cells remain. The attachment seemed to be good, airtight he said. But he did decide to do the ostomy bag “to be wise”. We both said at about the same time that we knew Dennis would be disappointed. Dennis will have this for 6 weeks. The surgeon said Dennis would be in recovery for about an hour and a half.
After waiting 2 hours and not hearing anything, I went to find out what was taking so long. He hadn’t been registered as being in recovery until 3:00, so I was told another half hour. At 4:30 I was paged and told that he was in a lot of pain and I couldn’t go back yet. My anxiety level shot up and the emotions rose to the surface. I hated the idea that my hubby was in pain. At 5:00 we were finally taken back to see him “for a few minutes”. Dennis was still in pain, but he had rated it at only a 4 where as earlier it had been a confirmed 10. The nurse didn’t know when he would have a room, but said probably not for quite a while.
We needed to get our cars from valet parking before 6 p.m.., so Carol decided she would go. I moved my car to the parking structure and waited and waited and waited. Finally, at about 7:30 p.m. I decided I would wait until 8:00 p.m. and then ask to see Dennis one more time before I headed out to my parents’ house. They let me back and I was disheartened to find out that Dennis remained in pain still, but now from his back. He had been moved from the gurney to a regular hospital bed, they had increased his epidural, but because he was still hurting, the doctor had been paged to see if they could give him something else until the epidural began to work. He was also very dry-mouthed, but they wouldn’t let him have any water. He had to make due with the little sponge soaked in water. I asked the nurse why his back would be hurting - if it was common after surgery. She said it might have been due to being in the gurney for so long. She hoped he would be more comfortable soon and in a room by the end of the night.
I will be perfectly honest and tell you that I was so discouraged today. It seemed like nothing went according to plan. The things we had so specifically prayed for - no ostomy bag and minimal pain - were ignored. It is deeply troubling to see your kids or your spouse in such pain. I admit that I cried out to God and asked Him why? - why did Dennis have to endure these things?; after all he’s been through, why did he have to hurt so much? And then the Lord directed my mind to my Esther study that I had just worked on earlier in the day.
Psalm 16:5-6 reads, “Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”
Bethe Moore had this to say regarding this Scripture, “No matter what life - or Satan himself - hands us, the favor God has on His children causes that ‘lot’ to tumble out on the table in such a way that, instead of destruction, the child will discover that her portion turned into destiny one trusting step at a time. When all is said and done, she will see that the portion God assigned her was good. Right. Rich. Full of purpose. ‘The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.’ (English Standard Version) . . . Instead of falling apart, your lines are all starting to fall together. Piece by piece. Glimpse by glance. What a beautiful inheritance you have!”
One thing I forgot to mention from my conversation with the surgeon is that he said he expected Dennis to make a full recovery. It brings tears to my eyes now - this is ultimately what we have been praying for. These difficult things are the speed bumps in the journey we have been on. God’s favor is still on Dennis. He will not be destroyed from cancer or an ostomy bag or pain. The portion God has for him is going to fall into place “piece by piece”.
Later in my study Beth Moore made a connection among the following Scripture:
Ephesians 1:11 - “In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.”
Philippians 2:13 - “For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”
Romans 8:28 - “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Beth Moore writes, “God not only promises that He ‘works out everything’ (Eph. 1:11) ‘according to His good purpose’ (Phil. 2:13). He promises that ‘in all things God works for (our) good’ (Rom. 8:28). In other words, every time He shifts us here or moves us there on this earthbound chessboard, He’s not just fulfilling His own pleasure regardless of its impact on you. He’s also working every detail - even the dreadful ones - to your and my good. In three sides of one perfect whole, Ephesians 1:11 tells us God’s providence is at work universally, Philippians 2:13 tells us God’s providence is at work personally, and Romans 8:28 tells us God’s providence is at work beneficially. . . and not just for Him but mercifully for us too. Providence cancels out every coincidence. . . God knows. God sees. God acts.”
This triangle of Scriptures reminds me that God is indeed “working every detail - even the dreadful” (bag and pain) - for Dennis’ good. God’s providence is at work in Dennis. God does indeed know Dennis. God does see Dennis. And I believe He is and will continue to act on Dennis’ behalf.
She also shared an inscription found on the prison wall of a concentration camp:
“I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining.
I believe in love, even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.”
She added that “God never writes a story without a good ending.” Although it seems at this time that the end of Dennis’ cancer story will be healing, we know that even if it ended differently, it would still end good because Dennis would be healed in the arms of the Lord. And even though I did not feel the Son or God’s love today for a time, I still believed that God was there, listening to me, concerned about Dennis and that He would help him.
So, that was our surgery day. Now that I can “wrap (my) mind around the favor that God has had on (Dennis) and the richness of the portion He assigned to (him) even through disaster, (I) can’t help but share (our) portion with (you).” (-Beth Moore)
Please be in prayer for Dennis
*To have his pain eased
*for acceptance of his ostomy bag and for patience in dealing with it for the next 6 weeks
*For no infection and perfect healing
*For rest tonight for all of us
Thank you for the prayers and words of encouragement we received throughout the day. The next several days are going to be challenging, but we will make it.
Trusting in God’s portion,
Carolyn
Here’s a run down of how our day went. We arrived at the hospital at 5:40 a.m. Dennis was taken back for pre-op at about 6 a.m. I was allowed to go in with him around 6:30 a.m. He was given an epidural and taken to surgery at 7:45 a.m. I was very emotional I must admit.
My sister-in-law, Carol joined me around 9 a.m. After about 4 hours, I was paged and they let me know that surgery was still going on, but everything was going well. At 1:45 - 6 hours after they took him in to surgery, I was paged to meet with the surgeon. Dr. Stamos said the surgery went well. They removed the affected area and opened it up. There was scarring from the radiation, but no visible signs of cancer. Biopsies will be done to determine if any microscopic cells remain. The attachment seemed to be good, airtight he said. But he did decide to do the ostomy bag “to be wise”. We both said at about the same time that we knew Dennis would be disappointed. Dennis will have this for 6 weeks. The surgeon said Dennis would be in recovery for about an hour and a half.
After waiting 2 hours and not hearing anything, I went to find out what was taking so long. He hadn’t been registered as being in recovery until 3:00, so I was told another half hour. At 4:30 I was paged and told that he was in a lot of pain and I couldn’t go back yet. My anxiety level shot up and the emotions rose to the surface. I hated the idea that my hubby was in pain. At 5:00 we were finally taken back to see him “for a few minutes”. Dennis was still in pain, but he had rated it at only a 4 where as earlier it had been a confirmed 10. The nurse didn’t know when he would have a room, but said probably not for quite a while.
We needed to get our cars from valet parking before 6 p.m.., so Carol decided she would go. I moved my car to the parking structure and waited and waited and waited. Finally, at about 7:30 p.m. I decided I would wait until 8:00 p.m. and then ask to see Dennis one more time before I headed out to my parents’ house. They let me back and I was disheartened to find out that Dennis remained in pain still, but now from his back. He had been moved from the gurney to a regular hospital bed, they had increased his epidural, but because he was still hurting, the doctor had been paged to see if they could give him something else until the epidural began to work. He was also very dry-mouthed, but they wouldn’t let him have any water. He had to make due with the little sponge soaked in water. I asked the nurse why his back would be hurting - if it was common after surgery. She said it might have been due to being in the gurney for so long. She hoped he would be more comfortable soon and in a room by the end of the night.
I will be perfectly honest and tell you that I was so discouraged today. It seemed like nothing went according to plan. The things we had so specifically prayed for - no ostomy bag and minimal pain - were ignored. It is deeply troubling to see your kids or your spouse in such pain. I admit that I cried out to God and asked Him why? - why did Dennis have to endure these things?; after all he’s been through, why did he have to hurt so much? And then the Lord directed my mind to my Esther study that I had just worked on earlier in the day.
Psalm 16:5-6 reads, “Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”
Bethe Moore had this to say regarding this Scripture, “No matter what life - or Satan himself - hands us, the favor God has on His children causes that ‘lot’ to tumble out on the table in such a way that, instead of destruction, the child will discover that her portion turned into destiny one trusting step at a time. When all is said and done, she will see that the portion God assigned her was good. Right. Rich. Full of purpose. ‘The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.’ (English Standard Version) . . . Instead of falling apart, your lines are all starting to fall together. Piece by piece. Glimpse by glance. What a beautiful inheritance you have!”
One thing I forgot to mention from my conversation with the surgeon is that he said he expected Dennis to make a full recovery. It brings tears to my eyes now - this is ultimately what we have been praying for. These difficult things are the speed bumps in the journey we have been on. God’s favor is still on Dennis. He will not be destroyed from cancer or an ostomy bag or pain. The portion God has for him is going to fall into place “piece by piece”.
Later in my study Beth Moore made a connection among the following Scripture:
Ephesians 1:11 - “In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.”
Philippians 2:13 - “For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”
Romans 8:28 - “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Beth Moore writes, “God not only promises that He ‘works out everything’ (Eph. 1:11) ‘according to His good purpose’ (Phil. 2:13). He promises that ‘in all things God works for (our) good’ (Rom. 8:28). In other words, every time He shifts us here or moves us there on this earthbound chessboard, He’s not just fulfilling His own pleasure regardless of its impact on you. He’s also working every detail - even the dreadful ones - to your and my good. In three sides of one perfect whole, Ephesians 1:11 tells us God’s providence is at work universally, Philippians 2:13 tells us God’s providence is at work personally, and Romans 8:28 tells us God’s providence is at work beneficially. . . and not just for Him but mercifully for us too. Providence cancels out every coincidence. . . God knows. God sees. God acts.”
This triangle of Scriptures reminds me that God is indeed “working every detail - even the dreadful” (bag and pain) - for Dennis’ good. God’s providence is at work in Dennis. God does indeed know Dennis. God does see Dennis. And I believe He is and will continue to act on Dennis’ behalf.
She also shared an inscription found on the prison wall of a concentration camp:
“I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining.
I believe in love, even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.”
She added that “God never writes a story without a good ending.” Although it seems at this time that the end of Dennis’ cancer story will be healing, we know that even if it ended differently, it would still end good because Dennis would be healed in the arms of the Lord. And even though I did not feel the Son or God’s love today for a time, I still believed that God was there, listening to me, concerned about Dennis and that He would help him.
So, that was our surgery day. Now that I can “wrap (my) mind around the favor that God has had on (Dennis) and the richness of the portion He assigned to (him) even through disaster, (I) can’t help but share (our) portion with (you).” (-Beth Moore)
Please be in prayer for Dennis
*To have his pain eased
*for acceptance of his ostomy bag and for patience in dealing with it for the next 6 weeks
*For no infection and perfect healing
*For rest tonight for all of us
Thank you for the prayers and words of encouragement we received throughout the day. The next several days are going to be challenging, but we will make it.
Trusting in God’s portion,
Carolyn
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