My Adoption Story
Romans 8:28 states that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” This was one of the first Scriptures I memorized as a young believer and it has been my life verse because its truth has been played out in my life in a very real way.
At the age of about 9, my next door neighbor shared the Gospel with me and I prayed to receive Christ as my Savior. While I received the free gift of salvation at that time, I didn’t understand what it meant to have a personal relationship with God and I certainly didn’t understand that I didn’t have to do anything to earn God’s love and approval. By nature I was a pleaser. I didn’t want to disappoint people. As I continued into my teen years, this need for acceptance began to grow in me in a negative way.
In junior high I struggled with a poor self image and lack of confidence and self esteem. I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere. As I entered high school I focused on school and earned a 4.0 GPA as well as a photography award. I still felt awkward and the yearning to belong and fit in was growing. I decided to go out for color guard; and I made it. My sophomore year I began to feel a sense of belonging. I had a group of people to “hang out” with regularly. I was identified with a group. As I entered my junior year things got better. I was the color guard co-leader; I had blossomed a bit; and I had my first boyfriend. But deep down I was still that young girl with a longing in my heart. As a result, I compromised what I knew to be right and entered into an intimate relationship with my boyfriend. As a result, I ended up getting pregnant. My life turned upside down.
Facing parenthood at the age of 16 was frightening and overwhelming. There was never any doubt that I would have the baby; I believed I was carrying a life and did not even consider ending it. Once I finally told my parents, they offered me a great deal of support as did the rest of my family. I was also blessed with two close friends at school who stood by me. At this time I began to develop a personal relationship with the Lord. When bad or difficult things happen, it is a natural place to turn. I also entered into counseling and spent many long hours talking with my parents. I began to consider adoption. While I had a desire to raise my child, I questioned whether I would be able to do it well. I feared that I would not be able to provide all that was needed. I also feared that I wanted to be a parent in order to fill that void I was feeling in my life. Adoption would allow my child the benefit of two parents, a stable home, a better chance to have all that life had to offer. It was difficult, but I decided to place my child for adoption; and I decided to have an open adoption.
It was at this time that the Lord began to reveal Himself to me in a real way. An open adoption meant I was able to choose the family I wanted to adopt my baby. This was a terribly important decision; one I had to be completely sure about. I knew from the moment I saw the family’s photos that they were the couple I wanted to raise my baby. It was God’s divine timing that brought us together. The family had been taken out of the prospective families for personal reasons. My counselor wasn’t even sure if they were ready to be considered. She showed me their photos as a clear “maybe”. God knew and in a short time they confirmed they were ready and we were meeting for the first time. It was a bit awkward at first, but we quickly warmed to one another and the conversation flowed easily. The decision was final and we waited.
In mid-July I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She was perfect in every way. I chose to give her most of her feedings; treasuring the time with her. After signing the paperwork and having a small ceremony in the hospital chapel, I sent her home with her family; officially giving up my right to be her mom. It was hard, but I was comforted knowing I had done the right thing. Strangely, life moved forward. It is strange knowing a part of you is off somewhere else; but she has never been far from my thoughts. My first born is now 23 years old. I have been blessed by continued contact with her and her family all these years through letters and pictures and now Facebook of all places.
Although this is the story of my daughter’s adoption; it is only the beginning of MY adoption story. Even though this event in my life served to lead me to a closer relationship with the Lord, I was still far from understanding the whole truth. I was still plagued with the need for acceptance and it was heightened more now that I carried guilt over the conception and relinquishing of my daughter. I now felt I had to earn God’s forgiveness. I still wasn’t able to fully give my life over to God. As I finished high school and entered college I was still allowing things to keep me from experiencing the joy of knowing God personally. Finally, the Lord once again intervened and broke off the remaining chains keeping me from Him. I started attending church and hearing the Word of God first hand. The light bulb went on and I got it.
The very first Bible verse I ever memorized was John 3:16 which states that “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” I had never really comprehended the words to that verse. Now they had new meaning. God gave His only Son for me. I could relate to giving up a child. Although I didn’t give my daughter up to death, my right to be her mother was put “to death” and I knew how terribly painful and difficult it had been. Knowing that God loved me enough to give up his Son to death was an incredible revelation; and I began to feel the hole in my soul closing up. I was loved as I was - mistakes and all.
Another verse I learned early on was Proverbs 3:5-6. These verses say, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” I had seen this truth worked out in my own life. When I discovered I was pregnant, my future path became a twisted mess. I was in the dark and had no idea which way to go. I reached a fork in the road and had to make one of the most important decisions ever. When I turned to God and trusted Him to lead me; my path suddenly seemed clear and I knew just which way to go. Had I relied on my own feelings and emotions, I risked making a choice that was not the best for my daughter.
And finally, Romans 8:28 which is where I began. “God works for the good to those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” I had created a not so great situation for myself and my daughter. But because I loved God and sought His will for both of us; God worked the situation out for the good of my baby, for me, and for His glory.
My beautiful baby girl is now a beautiful young woman. She has chosen to follow after God with her whole heart. She is part of a wonderful family. The opportunities presented to her throughout her life have been numerous. I never would have been able to provide her with those experiences. God has blessed her with creative talent and a tender heart for young people.
I consider my life quite blessed as well. God brought a wonderful man into my life who has accepted my past. He is my best friend; supportive and loving. We have two wonderful children together. Our life is comfortable. And the need for love and acceptance I once felt so deeply has been met. I have been ADOPTED by the King of kings and am now an heir to the Kingdom of Heaven. My sins have been forgiven and I am a new creation in Christ. When doubts begin to creep in, I have God’s Word to turn to as well as an open channel to the Father Himself.
And because of all that God has done in my life, I desire to live a life of obedience to Him. I am not perfect; I still make mistakes. But God has forgiven my sins past, present and future. Following after God has given me an eternal perspective, and it fills me with hope in my everyday life. Anything bad or difficult I may endure I know I can get through because God has promised to never leave me or forsake me; He gives me strength to do all things. I can‘t help but give God all the glory. He can do the same for you. All you have to do is ask.
At the age of about 9, my next door neighbor shared the Gospel with me and I prayed to receive Christ as my Savior. While I received the free gift of salvation at that time, I didn’t understand what it meant to have a personal relationship with God and I certainly didn’t understand that I didn’t have to do anything to earn God’s love and approval. By nature I was a pleaser. I didn’t want to disappoint people. As I continued into my teen years, this need for acceptance began to grow in me in a negative way.
In junior high I struggled with a poor self image and lack of confidence and self esteem. I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere. As I entered high school I focused on school and earned a 4.0 GPA as well as a photography award. I still felt awkward and the yearning to belong and fit in was growing. I decided to go out for color guard; and I made it. My sophomore year I began to feel a sense of belonging. I had a group of people to “hang out” with regularly. I was identified with a group. As I entered my junior year things got better. I was the color guard co-leader; I had blossomed a bit; and I had my first boyfriend. But deep down I was still that young girl with a longing in my heart. As a result, I compromised what I knew to be right and entered into an intimate relationship with my boyfriend. As a result, I ended up getting pregnant. My life turned upside down.
Facing parenthood at the age of 16 was frightening and overwhelming. There was never any doubt that I would have the baby; I believed I was carrying a life and did not even consider ending it. Once I finally told my parents, they offered me a great deal of support as did the rest of my family. I was also blessed with two close friends at school who stood by me. At this time I began to develop a personal relationship with the Lord. When bad or difficult things happen, it is a natural place to turn. I also entered into counseling and spent many long hours talking with my parents. I began to consider adoption. While I had a desire to raise my child, I questioned whether I would be able to do it well. I feared that I would not be able to provide all that was needed. I also feared that I wanted to be a parent in order to fill that void I was feeling in my life. Adoption would allow my child the benefit of two parents, a stable home, a better chance to have all that life had to offer. It was difficult, but I decided to place my child for adoption; and I decided to have an open adoption.
It was at this time that the Lord began to reveal Himself to me in a real way. An open adoption meant I was able to choose the family I wanted to adopt my baby. This was a terribly important decision; one I had to be completely sure about. I knew from the moment I saw the family’s photos that they were the couple I wanted to raise my baby. It was God’s divine timing that brought us together. The family had been taken out of the prospective families for personal reasons. My counselor wasn’t even sure if they were ready to be considered. She showed me their photos as a clear “maybe”. God knew and in a short time they confirmed they were ready and we were meeting for the first time. It was a bit awkward at first, but we quickly warmed to one another and the conversation flowed easily. The decision was final and we waited.
In mid-July I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She was perfect in every way. I chose to give her most of her feedings; treasuring the time with her. After signing the paperwork and having a small ceremony in the hospital chapel, I sent her home with her family; officially giving up my right to be her mom. It was hard, but I was comforted knowing I had done the right thing. Strangely, life moved forward. It is strange knowing a part of you is off somewhere else; but she has never been far from my thoughts. My first born is now 23 years old. I have been blessed by continued contact with her and her family all these years through letters and pictures and now Facebook of all places.
Although this is the story of my daughter’s adoption; it is only the beginning of MY adoption story. Even though this event in my life served to lead me to a closer relationship with the Lord, I was still far from understanding the whole truth. I was still plagued with the need for acceptance and it was heightened more now that I carried guilt over the conception and relinquishing of my daughter. I now felt I had to earn God’s forgiveness. I still wasn’t able to fully give my life over to God. As I finished high school and entered college I was still allowing things to keep me from experiencing the joy of knowing God personally. Finally, the Lord once again intervened and broke off the remaining chains keeping me from Him. I started attending church and hearing the Word of God first hand. The light bulb went on and I got it.
The very first Bible verse I ever memorized was John 3:16 which states that “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” I had never really comprehended the words to that verse. Now they had new meaning. God gave His only Son for me. I could relate to giving up a child. Although I didn’t give my daughter up to death, my right to be her mother was put “to death” and I knew how terribly painful and difficult it had been. Knowing that God loved me enough to give up his Son to death was an incredible revelation; and I began to feel the hole in my soul closing up. I was loved as I was - mistakes and all.
Another verse I learned early on was Proverbs 3:5-6. These verses say, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” I had seen this truth worked out in my own life. When I discovered I was pregnant, my future path became a twisted mess. I was in the dark and had no idea which way to go. I reached a fork in the road and had to make one of the most important decisions ever. When I turned to God and trusted Him to lead me; my path suddenly seemed clear and I knew just which way to go. Had I relied on my own feelings and emotions, I risked making a choice that was not the best for my daughter.
And finally, Romans 8:28 which is where I began. “God works for the good to those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” I had created a not so great situation for myself and my daughter. But because I loved God and sought His will for both of us; God worked the situation out for the good of my baby, for me, and for His glory.
My beautiful baby girl is now a beautiful young woman. She has chosen to follow after God with her whole heart. She is part of a wonderful family. The opportunities presented to her throughout her life have been numerous. I never would have been able to provide her with those experiences. God has blessed her with creative talent and a tender heart for young people.
I consider my life quite blessed as well. God brought a wonderful man into my life who has accepted my past. He is my best friend; supportive and loving. We have two wonderful children together. Our life is comfortable. And the need for love and acceptance I once felt so deeply has been met. I have been ADOPTED by the King of kings and am now an heir to the Kingdom of Heaven. My sins have been forgiven and I am a new creation in Christ. When doubts begin to creep in, I have God’s Word to turn to as well as an open channel to the Father Himself.
And because of all that God has done in my life, I desire to live a life of obedience to Him. I am not perfect; I still make mistakes. But God has forgiven my sins past, present and future. Following after God has given me an eternal perspective, and it fills me with hope in my everyday life. Anything bad or difficult I may endure I know I can get through because God has promised to never leave me or forsake me; He gives me strength to do all things. I can‘t help but give God all the glory. He can do the same for you. All you have to do is ask.
Powerful my friend! I love you sister :)
ReplyDeleteYou added a beautiful and talented person to my family (Bri is my cousin)the day you handed her over... I pray you continue to find peace knowing you made the right decision. I know you did.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful testimony of God's grace!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this.